Shame on you, Time!

      Versus    

Shame on you, Time Magazine. As I see the May cover, I’m not insulted by the picture. I’m offended by the headline—“Are you Mom enough?” I really believe that most people would think this is the consensus of nursing mothers which is woefully inaccurate. The outcry against this cover from nursing mothers is along the lines of “How dare you pit mothers against each other by insinuating that a personal choice that in no way harms a child makes anyone less of a mother!”  Most nursing mothers I know would support any amount (little or large or none) of breastmilk a mother is willing and/or able to provide (hence the "Every ounce counts" logo).


Our society makes it very difficult to nurse a child for any length of time. I know many mothers that quit or do not even want to try, and there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with that. I do think that if there was more support that more people would try and/or continue nursing longer.

I, myself, had difficulties nursing my first child. It seemed like everything was going great in the beginning, even though it was painful, until I realized he was losing weight. Not a little, mind you. My son went from a birth weight of 10 pounds 3 ounces to 8 pounds 12 ounces. If he had been born a smaller child, I most likely would have quit after that much weight loss. In my mind, I knew that his pediatrician (had she known) would have either encouraged or insisted on supplementing with formula. If I had any fear that I was harming my child, I would have switched to formula in an instant. But, I knew I could do this. What I didn’t know was exactly how it was going to get done. With conversations I’d had with my OB/GYN and pediatrician, I knew that they had VERY LIMITED knowledge about breastfeeding (read that as no knowledge other than the benefits).

So, I set about the task on my own. Prior to delivering my son, I had taken actions that I knew would encourage me to continue. I did have a can of formula just in case given to me by my OB/GYN and later more from my pediatrician (don’t get me started on how that can hinder your drive to continue nursing). One thing I did was ask my mom to purchase a breast pump. I knew that I would feel like I was letting my mom down if I didn’t continue nursing and would be wasting her money. If I had spent my own money, I would not have felt half as bad about quitting. My mom went with me to a breastfeeding class. I bought and glanced at several books regarding nursing. I joined an online community that supported and encouraged (not in an aggressive way) providing breastmilk (either nursing or pumping) to your child—Thank you to all the members of Babycenter’s The Exclusive Pumpers board. I sometimes think about why I was so adamant about nursing. Here are my reasons: I just wanted to prove that I could do it; Money (though there can be significant costs involved depending on how much stuff you buy to make the nursing experience easier); Health benefits (weight loss, lower risk of certain cancers for me, immunities for my child); Bonding.

My son nursed pretty well in the beginning. But, my son liked to sleep too much. Then, we had latch issues. My supply tanked. I struggled with trying to wake my son. Mothers are told very strongly to feed their child every 2-3 hours (never go more than 4). My son would sleep in 6-7 hour stretches. Others would tell me to “never wake a sleeping child.” Well, I’m sorry. I was at my wit’s end. I would spend, literally, 2 hours trying to wake him—playing with his feet, blowing air at his face, using a wet wash cloth, standing him up, changing his diaper, etc. Nothing worked unless he wanted to be awake. I didn’t even know that my supply was nearly gone. When I first started pumping, I would cry on the phone with my mom because all I could get was ½ an ounce. That’s it! Was this truly worth it? I longingly looked at that can of formula in the closet knowing just how easy that would be. But, I continued on. I fed my son pumped milk via a bottle to try to encourage him to eat more (bottles encourage overeating since the nipple remains firm throughout the feeding). And, after weeks and weeks of what seemed like mental and physical torture (sleepless nights and just pain from nursing and pumping EVERY HOUR FOR DAYS on end), everything was great. When I told the pediatrician our story, she was proud of me, and I was too.

Why do I tell you my story? Because, as women and as mothers, I think we tend to only show the outside world only the best of our situation. We don’t want to been seen as or feel inferior. Many people think it came easy for me. And, at the end, it was easy, but those early days were awful, and there were many times I tried to convince myself that it was okay to quit. I did wind up becoming an overproducer which comes with problems itself—constant pain from being engorged ALL the time, being tied to a pump or a baby on regular intervals to avoid pain. But, I knew that my oversupply was given to me by God for a reason. I prayed about what I was supposed to do. My freezer was full. I couldn’t just let it all go to waste. So, I became a milk donor and joined the Mother’s Milk Bank of North Texas and donated over 600 ounces of milk to help NICU babies.

Nursing is not for everyone. I readily admit that. It’s hard work. There is very little support out there. Formula is not the devil. I didn’t know any nursing mothers until shortly before I started nursing myself. But, for our family, I’m glad I made that decision and stuck with it.